I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
