She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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