Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
