I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
