i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My dick has a subreddit
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
