Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
