Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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