Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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