Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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