She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
