remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
