I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
