It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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