I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
