I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
