R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
