toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
