my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
