Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
