im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
