I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
