i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
