I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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