Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
