I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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