i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
