You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
