just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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