if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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