LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
