Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
