i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
