Tell her she can't have a vagina
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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