people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
