Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
