I think my vagina is haunted
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
