worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
