I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
