At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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