Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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