I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
