I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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