I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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