Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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