I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This house was built for laser tag.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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