Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
