chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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