A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
