i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Shitshow foam night was such a success
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
