If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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