I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
