There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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